I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The air was thick with penises
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
