I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
