I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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