I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
