Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
