Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
