so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
