Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
