sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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