Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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