if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
