oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
