Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
