go do what you do best...puke behind churches
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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