so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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