Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
