its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
