We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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