I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
