I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
