I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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