you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
