FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
