I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
