Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She's the barista slut.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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