I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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