Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
