please come you make the beer taste better
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
