I got chris browned last night
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Nicole vs. Life
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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