he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
