It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
