TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
