so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
