somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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