Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
