I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
