Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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