Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
