i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
