Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
