I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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