Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
