My nipple is on Facebook.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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