he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
