And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
