Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
