Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
this just has baby written all over it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
soo... how was my night?
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