Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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