Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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