Screwed.edu
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
