do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
