who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
