My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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